Crates of Cachivaches

How am I feeling today?:

Craig Armstrong piano piece.
Very peaceful, but it sounds like someone just died and the other person came to terms with it.

Will I get Far in life?:
Maria by Gackt.

At a church's rusted Maria, offer up a prayer

The trembling that even steals away the light will not be forgiven

Even if you close your eyes, the completely forgotten boy

Will continue concealing traces of his sin on his wrists

I believe that is a resounding "no".

How do my friends see me?:
Represent the human race!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes
Each species needs a sex that's fated
To be highly decorated
That is why the Lord created men

As a mannn....

Where will I get Married?:
Heiwa he no inori from some sort of Gundam.
...it's a sad piano song? That has this resonant kind of quality.

What is my best friend's theme song?:
Fullmetal Alchemist Theme song
Okay, so my future best friend will try to bring their dead mother back to life with their sibling, losing their arm and leg in the process. ...sounds good.

What is the story of my life?:
Tango Cancion by the Gotan Project
Very sad...with cellos, violas, violins, ay carambas included.


What is/was highschool like?:
Piano by Jo Sung Mo
Bittersweet and beautiful.
/roll eyes

How can I get ahead in life?:
Better Man by Jearl Jam
I have to kill the better man!

What is the best thing about me?:
Toxicity by System of a Down
When I became the sun
I shone life into the mans hearts

And so I save the post-apocalyptic world from ourselves.


How is tomorrow going to be?:
Irony by Wondergirls

Lol, I will be cheated on. That's not really a possibility given the current situation, ho ho ho.

What is in store for this weekend?:
Wings from Lovers in Paris OST
Pure awesomeness...filled with romantic moments between a rich car corp owner and his brother, french bread, french rent, frend maids, fresh butter.

What song describes my parents?:
Nameless Song duet between Justine and Joe.
I suppose this means that they harmonize quite well even though they're at two pianos that aren't facing each other and one musician is just off his rocker ?

What song describes my grandparents?:
Black Wing Rising (CT) remix by Star Salzman.
Amazing. Really cutting edge and avant-garde.

How is my life going?:
Wicky Pocky  by darkness at noon.
It sounds like insanity in a bottle, and I believe it is. I think a monkey makes an appearance every so often crashing cymbals. Thanks Abu, it really added the perfect garnish to the developing headache.

What song will they play at my funeral?:
4 Violin Concerto Allegretto
Oh my god, it just won't stop haunting me.

How does the world see me?:
Macgyver theme song
I'm ridiculously resourceful, bordering on disgustingly so. Give me a shoelace and some gum and I'll give you back a pipebomb.

Will I have a happy life?:
Shape of my Heart by Sting

Something tells me I won't...
or I'll just end up being a samurai-gambler, you know, honor in thieves.

What do my friends really think of me?:
Solo Quiero by Fanny Lu

That I only want loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooveeeeee


Do people secretly lust after me?:
The Gate of Destiny from FMA OST.
...you can't tellll;a;sdk;lasdasd

How can I make myself happy?:
Angel Theme song
You see, I'm a vampire who is trying to atone for their past sins by setting up a detective service. There just ISN;T a way to be happy. I have to atone, dammit, atone!

What should I do with my life?:
Bendita Luz
Save children.

Will I ever have children?:
Vitali's Chaconne.
the piece oozes "no"

What is some good advice for me?:
Once Upon a December from Anastatsia

Stop losing your memory, bitch!

How will i be remembered?:
The Garden of Everything by Maaya Sakamoto

As an anime character...the emo one who has amazing powers, but dies in the end.

What is my current theme song?:
Dream a little dream of me by the Mamas and Papas

I would say I'm reasonably content with life...and that I like jazz, but that isn't true.

What type of men/women do you like?:
Kareoke version of wings from LoP OST.
-> Park Shin Yang.

I've begun to hate more than love the things around me.
A movement towards change? Perhaps.

It's just so funny, the things I said to Turtle are all coming back now. I'm soiled in guilt.

Why is Korea so whack?

Yeah I don't know why I'm not speaking english.

On the bright side, I learned two new words today! It's a pity they can only be used in less-than-desired circumstances.

    So every time I decide to not do something productive, I will write something retarded here. So I guess I can start now. Chui is a fucking demon at tetris. Aside from the fact that I'd see her with her graphing in AP bio just clicking away, her score online is ridiculous. I dunno, I'm pretty bad at it, I just use it for my ADD moments, then get mad because it's endless and I can't win. Also, I've only left this thing along for 1 week? What?! Time has passed by so damn slowly. Time sucks. alskd;alke;lasdads.wq.ekl;asdklasdads. Ugh, I will not go into some sort of discussion on physics and shit because I'm really not in the mood to talk about physics. See, theoretical is okay. It's even enjoyable. But since I had a final just now and I need to study and feel pressed for time, I will not talk about this.

    I feel so guilty about Christmas gifts. I have none...for anyone. I mean, I know what I want to get for people, but I don't have it, and my parents are not the type of people to go out and buy it for me so I can give it for my friends. Rather, they would buy it for me, but then they'd NOT deliver it to the dorms...which is stupid. Even though people are like, oh it's okay, don't worry about it, I feel bad because it's just not the same to get gifts after Christmas. Blaaraggaga.

end 12:07

start 12:17
    I need to cut my nails. But there is no time for that now. I'm too busy...or something. Courtnie my roommate, is being way too loud. I thought she needed to study? What's going on here?
end 12:18

start 12:24
    Why why why are people so loud? I mean, you can also ask, why am I not in my room by myself. The answer to that would be that it's really messy, never the right temperature, ready to make me go to sleep, and not a place of zen and concentration. So sure, it could be my fault, but it's not because I said so. I am trying to not spam up bobangeba's mailbox because she's subscribed to my whatever thing. I don't know. I don't use LJ that much, this is my bitching space.

    I wore pajamas to my final. They had reindeer on them, so I was surprisingly festive. When I say festive (because I read in my head everything I write), it reminds me of feste, which reminds me of this girl who is actually a guy... yeah.
end 12:26

start 12:37
    I've memorized a good part of this lecture, but haven't absorbed it per se. I guess it might help if I speak into my hand during the exam and suddenly realize that it means something. Leak channels have K+ going in and out, Na+ also goes in and out, but to a lesser extent. Oi, it sounds like Wallman wants to burp in the middle of his sentence.
    My shoulders hurt sooo much. This is due to me sleeping in a funny position among piles (really, piles) of blankets and with my button up shirt thingy on which I knew I should have taken off.
I don't understand why this biology book doesn't use the term "refractory period". Did something change while I was in high school? I mean, how is that term misleading at all? I have no idea.

    And Wallman goes "CHAAARGEGe, right you are"
    The things I will remember. -_-
end 12:41

start 12:56
This lecture is so dense. unbelievably dense.
I think I'd same lifetimes if I didn't get distracted so easily.
end 12:57

start 1:35
I just want to say that I hate this whole finals thing. This nerves lecture sucks major pelotas because it's so freiken long and has so much information in it. My god, 27 minutes of more shit to go through.
Oh wow, I feel incredibly bad, I just heard some stuff that I didn't want to hear. I hate it when other people have to take responsibility for me--- I didn't know, damn it! a;kdsa;lksd;alskd;alke;aldksal;d. Indescribable.
end 1:40

start 2:14
Wow, I had no idea that asian girls dating white guys was "looked down upon". Wtf, this is real shit. Okay, not true that asian girls date white guys because they're attracted to symbols of power since white guys control everything. /roll eyes. maybe for like, cougars or something. Whatever. I have also come to the conclusion that the last 20 minutes of this lecture is shit. It's about NOTHING. NOTHING.
end 2:16

start 2:18
I love this blog entry. I'm not angry, but this is pretty much along the same lines of what my extended opinion would be:
Personally, I don't get the hype nor the practical application of the White Fetish (because, let's face it, that's what it is). Here at least, the odds of finding a white guy far outnumber the odds of finding an Asian, meaning the latter is more difficult to snare, i.e. more valuable. Also, the white boys these fetishists end up dating are fugly. I'm sorry, there's no other way to put it. They're fugly. So you end up with catty Asian girls with white fetishes and fugly white boys with Asian fetishes and you'd think everyone would be happy when we're all really wondering what these people are trying to prove.

And more importantly, since the why-do-Asian-girls-like-Caucasians-so-much question has been beaten and blogged to death a thousand times over, why do Asian women NOT like Asian men? Is it the height issue? The emasculation of Asian males in the media? The smaller penis? So many articles have been written on the growing resentment within the Asian-American male community on the loss of their women that it makes me wonder.

In any case, to all those bitter Asian guys out there who are ticked off: there are still Asian girls out there who lust after their own men. We still want you. There are plenty of us who would rather not deliberately seek out non-Asian men for whatever social or self-esteem related purposes. I'd do just about anything for a nice ABC who would stay still for more than 6 weeks, damn it.

But I digress. The point is, I don't understand white fetishists, particularly when they're Asian women.
source: http://witandspit.blogspot.com/2006/06/once-you-go-asian.html
end 2:19

start 2:23
Wasted time talking to Melissa, Lana, Courtnie. I love this woman's blog. But I will refrain from reading it.
end 2:23

start 2:30
Girls discussing pregnant women who got really fat. I am waiting for a relevant part of the lecture to come up.
end 2:30

start 2:31
I hate hate hate hate hate my classes. I just realized. I can't go to ice skating OR my homecoming this Friday because I have my paper due that day. WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK AM I GOING TO FUCKING DO?! I would really love some ritalin to help me speed through that paper. I swear, if I had access to those drugs legally, I'd probably be amazing. Amazing, I tell you.
end 2:32

start 3:23
I think I fell asleep sometime in the middle of that.
end 3:23

start 6:36
Dmitriy came over.
Lol.
end 6:36

start 7:01
moving to a different part of the room. It is very possible that this move will result in less procrastination.
end 7:01

start 8:16
Tetris
end 8:16

start

drunk synonyms: intoxicated, bashed, boozed up, buzzed, crocked, canned, fuddled, hammered, hosed, in orbit, inebriated, jugged, liquored up, lush, oiled, on a bun, pie-eyed, plastered, plowed, sloshed, soaked, sotted, soused, stewed, tanked, tipsy, wasted, zonked, punch-drunk.

Personal favorites: sloshed, inebriated (re: kol)

I also know how to make certain drinks because of kol. Thank you internet for being such a great influence. If I didn't know how to make a slap n'tickle, I wouldn't have the 5 extra turns that I could use to PvP. Oh, where would the moxie flow to then? Surely under Grimace's light, some good would come of it.  I am leader of the Kickass Knights of Kickass because that's what happens when you keep an account for a year after everyone else has left....You know, when you slink back to the website of all evil when you think no one is looking.

Embarassingly geekier, I used to play MUDs and MUSHes. I thought they were the coolest things ever after I read cyberkids. ---
Dear God, I can't finish this entry, I'm just too jealous right now.

edit:
In memory of Reuben Kee, you still live to make ephemeral music.

Icelandic next, tal vez polish (get back to Kuby), staying away from elvish for now. -_-

너무 우끼다!
이거도 일고 고십지?
건대, 아직도, 얼만컴 나 사랑하는거/조원거 몰아. ...아는대,--- ㅇㅇㅇㅇ, ...


Hu biatac maanmu!

I have the "Benny Lava" song stuck in my head. Watch, I'll end up singing the messed up english words to it.
I'm just not in the mood to work.
Nothing is processing.
...
This format I'm typing in is much better suited to another blog site. -_-
I wish people would stop talking so that maybe, maybe I could concentrate.

College-work sucks, in that all the professors and TAs keep saying everything's fine, and are actually lying through their teeth. Damn this professor who puts up all the work late!!!!!
Bleh.

I also realized it was nice having the asian connection because there are things you can talk about together that you can't talk to anyone else about. Language is also this big thing that connects people well too.

Oh yes, and never eat onions before bed, it makes you smell and feel like crap in the morning.
And Ben 10 seems like a cute show, good enough premise. :D

As always, motivation is a big topic for me. At the moment, I feel no motivation for work except a little tugging and voice that tell me I'd be absolutely screwed if I don't finish this tonight. It just occurred to me (again) that I have no motivation for writing in my paper journal anymore. Why, I'm not sure. I value it ...a lot, but I just can't bring myself to stand still I guess. I always fantasize that it'll be found years later when we blow each other up, and they'll use it to reconstruct daily life, then find out a deep dark secret in why we blew each other up and start a utopia. Of course, there'd be a corrupt government, organic constructs, and flying cars. Who could do without all that?

As for college. I don't enjoy it.

Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I hate it. It just means well, I feel like it's a souped up version of high school. The only real "college experience" I'm getting is living in a dorm, but even then I see my parents once a week. My sister continues to be insufferable and well, stupid. I think people in "normal" and "entitled" colleges would feel great every morning, able to explore new possibilities, and have some measure of complete freedom before having to choose a major and really dig in. I don't think I envy it too much, but I think I would have liked it. What I think I would have really liked is a campus where you can throw a ball on the green. There are complete asshole security guards, and I shall call them security guards because it makes them pissed, that see throwing a football as a federal offense. They seem to have nothing to do because they'll make sweeps every 5 minutes to make sure you're not even handling a hacky-sack. Dried up old men with no life are really undesirable people.

My experience with alcohol has been meh. To me, it's something you enjoy every once in a while. Enjoy means you taste it, not chug it down and inhale it. I will never understand the fascination people have with being piss drunk. Aside from knowing what kind of drunk you are, it's completely pointless and a waste of resources. You waste money, a hell of a lot of time, pride, and bodily fluids (that throwing up will take a lot out of you). I think I will very seriously be alcohol-celibate now though. Before I thought I just had normal asian flush, but after popping what looks like a capillary in my face, I don't think it's such a good idea to go on with the drinking crowd. People will pressure me, but one look in the mirror will remind me why I'm staying away from it.

I think drunk people are incredibly stupid. I stood at a drinking game, trying to understand the fun of it. For a second, I think I got it, and then I realized that it was dangerous in that I don't want any trouble from the dorm people, and that it's (once again) pointless for reasons stated above. I guess I'm just reasonable? I'm very partial to having a nice mixed drink amongst friends, only I don't think I can even do that anymore. Damn asian body.

I've also discovered that Hunter kids are like no other, and that they will find no other similar people anywhere. Who cares how many negatives there are in that sentence, shut up. The fact is that people from my high school are easy to spot and hard to find. It was kind of a freaky culture clash when I met my new classmates. Not only was I one of what, two? asian girls in my grade, but I lived my life mostly in Manhattan. Why nearly everyone is from Long Island, I do not know, but that also freaks me out. The way they speak and think is different. What is "bugging"?? Why do they have funny accents? What is this juvenile fascination with drinking? Why do they like going to clubs so much? What IS a a club? (just kidding)

It's funny how everyone keeps insisting that high school friends will forget each other after they leave, because it's not true. I remember my high school friends very well, I only hope that it's the same for them. I think I talk to them in some form or another enough, and I don't miss them because I feel like I'm always close to them. I really truly believe that no college friend of mine will reach the level of my close hunter friends now. It's very strange.

Hmm, other things I don't like about college. Courses hanging on tests, and there being only 2 of them. I think this is crazy. I can understand the logic, but I still think it's insane. Can you really test someone's knowledge on this? Why not just have an interview test at the end where you and the instructor have an hour long chat about whatever in the class? Somehow that seems more comprehensive to me. I can only see terrible cramming and idiots who take tests by chance and pass, in the future. Oh, bullshit professors, that's a big one. Don't get me started, at least, not yet.

Other things I find weird in college: the lack of knowledge of asian things, the absence of anime (like, completely, they hardly know what Pokemon are. ARE THESE PEOPLE LIVING IN AN OPAQUE BUBBLE?), lack of games or game knowledge, lack of street smarts, lack of mental subway maps. Oh I could go on and on, but I still have to do homework.

This doesn't mean I don't like college people...it just means I think they're fucking weird. But I guess that's how aliens feel about us. Sigh. What's worse is that I've recently gotten back into my fanfiction roots and it's ...terrible, absolutely terrible, a really bad sort of singularity that sucks things into an event horizon. Yeah, it's the return of trek. Serious trek bug has bitten me. I want to get pips and a commbadge for my birthday or christmas present, and I'm not kidding. I'm so mad a friend of mine for being a complete wuss and not getting me the most perfect present...then he got me nothing, so I felt like trash.

    So my aunt moved out of the third floor space, officially, yesterday. The empty rooms she left behind are disgusting. Not that my room is that great either, but ugh, it's awful to have to clean up someone else's mess. There's the whole washing windows, washing floors, cleaning out refrigerators, and the worst part is washing walls. You have no idea how much upkeep a wall needs. First, it's white, and that's a terrible color in it of itself. Why? Because every single freaking thing shows up on it. Second, people like drawing on white walls. It's like some sort of homing beacon or open invitation. Third, little kids like to stick all their freaking disgusting boogers on the walls! At first I thought these things were really weird stains, but they're actually dried up boogers that they picked and stuck on for decoration or their declaration of manliness. Not only are they disgusting, but sometimes they have dried blood, and they're stupidly hard to take off. One bedroom was so filled with boogers I just had to leave and let my mom do it. I took off at least 30 of them, THIRTY! Geez, if you're going to pick your damn noses, are least get rid of the evidence by eating it or something!

    If you ever have kids, do not, do not, do not, let their chubby little exploratory fingers near their nostrils. Doom will ensue.

Journal splinch. All Fanart/Fiction related things are now at: niftykins.

Back to a "normal summer day". I cringe at thinking of going to work because of this guy...I should just tell it to his face, not interested, CREEP. But alas, I'm too icked out to be able to say anything. l;askdaowe;laskd. I don't know...I suppose I'll figure something out soon. I'm definitely denying his facebook friend request.

I feel really dumb. If I had asked, I think I could have gone to work next week instead of this week, thereby freeing up my morning to go to a Graduation party for my future roommate (which I think is more important)...but I must not have been thinking straight because I just took whatever I go and very promptly sent off an email to the girl saying I was sorry I couldn't go. Damn it...I don't know what's wrong with me. I would send her a nice little gift or card through the mail, but somehow I feel that's still JUST a a gesture, and not helping with the real problem. Did I mention before that this is a whine and complain journal? (would you like some cheese with that?).

Ugh, I have to go make "business calls". If I have to do all this adult shit, why can't I drink? You know, as a gesture.

Being hit on constantly is not fun. It's only fun when you're watching it...well, even then it's not "fun", it's more "funny". Well, I've made up my mind (sort of), I have to figure out a way to tell him to lay the fuck off even though I feel squeamish as hell even thinking about it. a;ljdkalskdjasklj. It's creepyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Link to this post because it's so right. This guy is kind of like a Mr. Bad-Touch, alksjdasdakldsj. IT MAKES ME FEEL SO GROSS.

Okay, so upon watching the black and latina kids rock out at the closing ceremony for my summer program, I realized that asian kids, can't dance for their worthless lives. Seriously, there would be a bounty on our heads if we went dancing above 100th street. That's how bad we are. I guess this either means I'll become a freak on the dancefloor 5 years later, or that I'll just be dead. Lol.

I went to Lee's art store today, even though for many things it is a blatant ripoff. They had a sale today though, which was nice. I got some markers, those high tech ones that blend with the white marker? Lol, they're sooo coool, now if I could only figure out how to use them. [edit: something retarded for bobangeba.]
( Read... )

Well, every since Harry Potter 7 came out, I've been in the Fanart flow. It's like being tapped into a world that makes you want to be productive all the time, call it being high? Perhaps, but it feels good to feel the powah!

Okay, I guess I'll be doubleposting both here and undisclosed location. No problems to that.

My sister's come back from her medical forum thing. Unfortunately, it hasn't done much for her terrible behavior. My parents are really depressed and angry that she basically pulled the "oh no, I don't want my new friends to see my parents" stunt (2x). My mom just finished talking to me about this and I couldn't say much. I mean, I would really hate to make her feel worse. I suggested that they talk to her tomorrow when they feel a bit better. I can only hope that that comes out well.

( Read on... )

So I'm going to try and write here instead of my Xanga, because well... just because. I can only hope that people who I don't want to read this won't.

/notice.

There are a lot of meaning for hysterical.
In the mornings I'm just crazy hysterical
In the afternoon I get a little pyschotic hysterical
And then in the evening, I get quietly hysterical, where the most insignificant thing just sets me off and I can't stop laughing until I start to choke.

Really, I'm in a good mood.

I'm Home, Take me Drunk.

How am I feeling today?:

Is it any wonder
That she would feel less than real
When she reveals what is clearer
In her mirror


Will I get Far in life?:
The Princess Mononoke Theme Song, not very far it seems. The main character reaches in impasse with the secondary character and it's just a horribly sad movie.

How do my friends see me?:
We Will Rock You, very good?

Where will I get Married?:
Omg, what a bloody horrible song. Chelsea by Mest, "I thought you were the one, but then you left..."
I'm obviously doomed to failure.

What is my best friend's theme song?:
8 Mile by Eminem.
God...that is too like her, this survey is starting to hit some soft places inside me.

What is the story of my life?:
Nobody's Home.
This is unbelievable.

What is/was highschool like?:
Song from Chrono Cross I think, it's so familiar but I can't place it. It's a sad song.

How can I get ahead in life?:
Stairway to Heaven.
I'm just not going to get ahead then it seems.

What is the best thing about me?:
Crash by 12 Stones:

As I find truth where I found it times before

As I search for your hope

I'm finding so much more

And I try to be more like you

And I deny myself to prove my heart is true

Augh.

How is tomorrow going to be?:
"I've seen it all, I've seen the dark
I've seen the brightness in one little spark.
I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,
And that is enough, to want more would be greed.
I've seen what I was and I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!"

Not good, blase, me in another body.

What is in store for this weekend?:
"I never thought
Thought that it would be our last goodbye
(our last goodbye.)
I still can dream
That one day love will fall out from the sky"

I hate Legend of Dragoon now. How could you betray me, especially in Japanese?!

What song describes my parents?:
"WEll I can't go down by myself but I'll go down with my friends, take it like a man"
Kind of...

What song describes my grandparents?:
...the sailor moon theme?
This means they're like little girls who can transform and fight evil eh.

How is my life going?:
HOLY COW.
DONT SPEAK -Gwen Stefani.
I'm just going to shoot myself.

What song will they play at my funeral?:
HAH! What's this for some horrible irony.
Bring me Back to Life- Evanescence.

How does the world see me?:
Princess Mononoke Theme.
Evidently, I'm noble, but a lost cause all together.

Will I have a happy life?:
"So what divides
From the bittersweetness love provides?
I will redefine my place within this union
For what is a lie?
And the better me can't show its side
I will try to find my way to higher ground"

Somewhat.

What do my friends really think of me?:
Okay... Escaflowne instrumental song.
They think I'm heading 10000 miles a second towards doom and there's nothing they can do for me, that I'm insanely dramatic and that there will be a bass chorus behind me singing my death dirge.

Pretty accurate.

Do people secretly lust after me?:
War huh, what is it good for?
Seems like it's trying to say: "Love huh, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing!"
So no!

How can I make myself happy?:
"My mouth is dry
Forgot how to cry
What's up with that
You're hurting me

I'm running fast
Can't hide the past
What's up with that
You're pushing me"

Apparantly I can't.

What should I do with my life?:
Sweet Dreams- Marilyn Manson.
Crap, I should just become emo and die.

Will I ever have children?:
So needless to say I'm odds and ends
But that's me, stumbling away
Slowly learning that life is O.K.
Say after me
It's no better to be safe than sorry.

errr, not sure how that translates.

What is some good advice for me?:
Nobody's Home.
Great.

How will i be remembered?:
"The pain inside my love denied
Hopes and dreams swallowed by pride
Everything I need it lies in you

‘Cause I’m broken
I know I need you now
‘Cause deep inside I'm broken
You see the way I live
I know I know your heart is broken
When I turn away
I need to be broken
Take the pain away"

I refuse to comment on this.

What is my current theme song?:
ASDKASJewm,sda
ANOTHER emo saong!

"Told myself in the long run, don't go there, you'll be sorry.
Don't say that, don't say that, darling no, don't say anything"

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Okay this is cool, but not, since it's true: Battle on the Bridge.

What type of men/women do you like?:
I Wear My Sunglasses at night.

Supposedly men who wear sunglasses at night who like to spy on people.